Posted on by intentional4christ

Silencing the Other Voices

 A few months ago, my counsellor taught me how to use socratic thinking to help improve my thought life.  For those of you not aware of what this is, socratic thinking is a technique used to examine and validate ideas and underlying beliefs through thoughtful questions. It is also a powerful tool to learn critical thinking skills. However, the reason I was undergoing this exercise was because my counsellor has drilled into me over an over again that if I change how I think (of myself, of others, and of the world), my behaviors will also change and then my emotions (anxiety) will follow suit. Let me walk you through one of my thought processes that I have run through socratic thinking so you see how it works: “I am a bad mother”.

First, I ask myself, what is the evidence that I am a bad mother? Then I walk through the evidence that I am not a bad mother. After I have compiled my list, I then weigh it to see what the evidence says. If all evidence points to the fact that I am a bad mother, then the next question is do I want to do something about that? And if so, what? And how do I change? However, if the evidence shows that I am not in fact a bad mother, then I move on from that thought and every time I think I am a bad mother I remind myself that the evidence says contrary and then move on.

While this is great practice and it is helping me greatly understand how to deal with some of the peripheral things that make me anxious, I found very quickly that this method does not help to fix those deep-seated anxieties rooted in my psyche- things that are tied to my self-identity and self-esteem. One’s sense of identity has to do with who you think you are and how you perceive and define yourself. Self-esteem is how you value yourself, your self-worth.

Self-identity involves looking inwards to discover who you are—both your strengths and weaknesses—and defining and accepting yourself for who you are. This forms part of our self-talk i.e. what we say about ourselves. We also develop a sense of self from what we hear others say about us. When we internalize what people say of us and repeat those things to ourselves, they shape the way we think about ourselves and consequently shape our identity. It is out of this introspection that we either develop a healthy or low self-esteem.

 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.

Proverbs 23:7a KJV

Reading that whole verse in context reveals that the thoughts and inclinations of the heart shape the reality of who you are. What you think about shapes your actions and forms the basis of who you are, or are becoming. So why doesn’t socratic thinking help with anxieties rooted in our self-identity? Jesus tells us why in this profound scripture:

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

Matthew 6:22-23 BSB

The reality is that our worldview and what we think of ourselves and others, as well as what others think of us, have been shaped by sin and brokenness. Even when the evidence shows that we are good people, the light within us is darkness! We view ourselves and others through a lens of brokenness and we measure the health of one’s self-esteem by how broken a person is. Our yardstick for someone with a healthy self-esteem is a person who accepts themselves for who they are- faults and all; is confident in themselves; and has a strong sense of self. But if our yardstick is tainted by sin and brokenness, then our measure is tainted by default. We were born a broken people into a broken world and so looking within for a sense of self that is “whole” just does not work. As Jesus says, “If the eyes are bad, then the whole body is in darkness.” This all sounds grim and if you have made it this far into the reading, you may be asking, “Is there hope?” How can we be filled with light on the inside instead of darkness and brokenness?

The answer my friends is that there is HOPE, and this hope is found in an identity outside of ourselves. When our identity is firmly planted in Christ and in His work on the cross to make us whole, we become secure in who we are because of what Christ has done for us.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT

This is what God says of you and the new identity you have in Him:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 peter 2:9 NIV

You are chosen, you are royalty, you are a priest, you are holy, you are special, and also, your “bad” eyes have been made “good” so you are no longer in darkness but in light (Read Isaiah 9:2)! Oh and that is not all; I can add some more: Through Jesus you are righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21); You are forgiven (Jeremiah 31:34); You are loved (Jeremiah 31:3, Romans 8:5); You are enough (Titus 3:4-7). I can go on and on.

Now try using the process of socratic thinking for any of the thoughts that are rooted in an identity that comes from brokenness- “I am unlovable”; “I am not good enough”; ” I am not worthy” and my challenge to you is to first list all the evidence of why you think you are unloved or not good enough or unworthy or whatever that thought might be. Then stack up your evidence against what God says about you. You will realize very quickly, your evidence does not hold a candle to God’s illumination of who you are. As Jesus said, “If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.”

Today, many of us need a prescription change. We need to change our lenses and come to a place of acceptance of the free gift of God-our salvation- which gives us a new identity. We need to see ourselves as God sees us! The eye is the lamp of the body- if you see yourself as God, who is the Light of the World, sees you, your body will be full of light indeed! That friends is one of the surest ways to silence the voices rooted so deep in our psyche. So to work on my self esteem issues I do not need to reach down into the recesses of my childhood memories and traumas- I know them all and I lived them all. The answers are not in reliving them or relieving myself of them. The answer to my profound anxieties is in believing who God says I am and as I think these things in my heart about myself, my behaviors will mimic my thoughts, and my actions and emotions will also be aligned to my identity as one who has been loved with an everlasting love- the daughter of the Most High King!

Yours Truly.

Posted on by intentional4christ

The Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude, comes from the latin word gratus which means “pleasing, thankful”. It is a feeling of deep appreciation felt by the recipient of kindness, gifts, help, favors, or other types of generosity, to the giver of said gifts. 

Living a life with gratitude means choosing to focus your time and attention on the things you appreciate, are thankful for and find pleasing. It does not mean that one has to pretend that bad things or difficult things are not happening. It is not a wishy washy ‘kumbaya’ lifestyle. Remember the conversation about neuroplasticity? What you focus on your attention on will form neural pathways that strengthen your thought processes and change the way you view life. Gratitude gives us different perspectives to situations- good or bad and helps us to adjust our attitudes towards those situations. Now let us backtrack and situate this topic with our bigger conversation of changing our thought patterns and metacognition.

Do you see how focusing our attentions on things we are grateful for can help us change both our internal and external narratives? It truly takes effort to focus on the positives of a situation but the benefits are so worth it! I recently read the testimony of a husband who practiced this and ended up reaping a hundred folds of peace and joy in his marriage. He started a journal to document every single day for an entire year one thing about his wife that he appreciated with the commitment not to repeat anything. Initially it was hard but then eventually the fighting and strife got less and less. The process helped him to truly experience the tenderness of every moment with his wife as searched constantly for things to appreciate. So how do we show gratitude?

If you like to journal then a gratitude journal is certainly one way to do this. A gratitude journal is the practice of jotting down, each day, things that we are grateful for, which allow us to become more present and aware. But if you are like me and do not like to pen down your emotions but are constantly ruminating on them, then may I suggest trying Phil 4:8. When you encounter any situation good or bad, before you speak, ask yourself, “Is there anything true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy about that situation?” If so, allow your mind to dwell on that for a few minutes. This metacognitive activity will help to bring the positive things to focus and give you a reason to always be thankful. It takes work… at least initially… until it becomes a habit to be able to acknowledge the negatives but instead, dwell on the positives. You need to work on your ‘gratitude muscle’ because the attitude of gratitude does not come naturally to everyone. It needs to be an intentional and iterative process which will eventually shape our thinking. If you want to think positively, you have to actively look for positive things to think about and that is what gratitude does.

God in His infinite wisdom and design knows in this life we will face adversity, trials, and some very unbearable times along with the good; and He provides us with the tools we need to safeguard our minds and our sanity. In order to not have our thought overrun with negativity, one such tool He puts in our toolbox is gratitude and admonishes us to:

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus

1Thessalonians 5:18

So what are you grateful for today? If you cannot think of anything let this scripture set you on the path of gratitude:

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and do not forget all His kind deeds-He who forgives all your iniquities and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with loving devotion and compassion, who satisfies you with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalm 103:2-3 BSB

Yours Truly

Posted on by intentional4christ

Changing our thought patterns

Last week, I ended the post with the fact that it is possible to influence our thought patterns and this week I want to share one of two ways I believe we can do this: with the things we say. Lets start with our anchor scripture:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

Phil 4:8 NIV

Have you ever heard the saying “watch your thoughts, they become your words…” This connotes a forward linear relationship between thoughts and words but in reality, it is more complex than that. While it is true that your thoughts become your words, research has shown that words inform our thought processes on both a conscious and a subconcious level. We respond to words not only at a conscious level but also at a visceral, autonomic level. Neuroplasticity is the term used to describe how the brain continues to re-invent itself. What we think about actually rewires our brains—for better or worse. Older, unused neural pathways fall away, and new ones, with repetition and focus, are created and words are one way in which we do rewire our brain’s responses. This is true whether we are responding to words spoken by someone else or responding to our own self-talk which what we say to ourselves in our heads. So in as much as your thoughts becomes your words, your words become your thoughts and they become you.

For as he thinks within himself, so he is.

Prov 23:7a NASB

Gary in the Oct/ Nov edition of Focus on the Family gives very sound advice on this topic. He says when it comes to leaning into positive thinking, “talk to yourself more and listen to yourself less.” What do you say to yourself about who you are, how you view the world, what your reactions to situations should be? Your words shape both your internal and external worldview. So a practical way to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy is to surround yourself with words that possess those qualities. Remember, neural pathways are created with repetition and focus and so if we want your thought patterns to be positive then we need to be intentional in speaking positive things to ourselves and surrounding ourselves with positive speech. This is a process known as priming and what priming does is that it triggers the production of oxytocin in the brain which is a “feel good” neurochemical to trigger feelings of wellbeing and happiness. This is one way to ensure that the wellspring of your heart always flows with freshwater (in reference to the question posed in James 3:11-13 when he was talking about being careful what we say).

In summary, if you want to change the way you think, one way to do it is to change the way you speak. There is nothing phony or “new age” about this principle. It is bibical- Solomon told his son, “Above all else, guard your heart; for out of it are the issues of life?” Why? Because one’s thought life controls the rest of his/her life- and the words we speak have the potential to shape our reality (James 3:3-6) as they create neural pathways in our brains which govern how we live and intepret our life experiences. I conclude with a scripture to reflect on:

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

Prov 4:23-27 NIV

Join me next week as we talk about another way to change your thought patterns.

Yours Truly

https://anchor.fm/intentionally-me/episodes/Changing-our-thought-patterns-e1d2sl8
Posted on by intentional4christ

Thinking about thinking

In 2021, one of the things I struggled with the most and posted about the most was about my thinking patterns and the things that consumed my brainpower. All my fears and anxieties were housed in the recesses of my mind and from time to time I would take a trip down ‘what if’ lane. Every time I let my thought wander, I realized my anxiety or fears or anger in the situation in question increased exponentially.

Have you ever thought about what you are thinking about? Thinking about thinking is a process called metacognition. Metacognition is a strategy that allows us to organize and evaluate our thought processes related to learning and problem-solving. The more intentional and iterative the metacognitive process is, the better one gets at it. There are many scriptures that speak to aspects of metacognition and one such helpful and revolutionary verse is found in Philippians 4:8:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Philippians 4:8 NLT

This scripture calls for us to take charge of our minds and rather than let our thoughts run off on their own, be intentional in what we think about. A rather apt illustration comes from Gary Thomas in the the Oct/Nov edition of the Focus on the Family magazine. It says if we want to be physically healthy, we won’t eat everything that looks delicious; we’ll exercise self-control. Likewise, if we want to be healthy relationally, we shouldn’t think about everything that demands our attention. We need to exert the same self-control with our minds that we do with our bodies.

We must not dwell and ruminate on things that are distasteful, dishonorable, frustrating, anger-inducing, shameful, or deserving of censure. Instead we should reject negative thoughts and lean more into the positive ones. Metacognition does not come naturally to anyone. It is an intentional process which involves making an effort to rein our thoughts in- making it a conscious part of our lives to think about what we think about and actively reject the negative thoughts.

In the past few days, I have been practicing this and this is what I have learned…a lot of my emotions both positive and negative first start with a thought-often a perception based on my assessment of the situation and then that thought becomes an emotion that leads to a reaction. Let me illustrate: An acquaintance sent me a message about a new business he had started and in my excitement I asked, “Can I share this information with others?” The response back was, “That is why I shared it with you”. Now lets consider that response: My first thought was “wow! how rude- I am trying to be helpful and I get attitude back?” In that moment, I equated that text with sarcasm and disrespect and then I got angry at the impudence. Then I remembered Philippians 4:8 and decided to put it into practice so instead of reading the text through the eyes of impertinence, I decided to imagine that there was good intention and joy behind the message and with that in mind, I interpreted the text as “Yes, that is why I shared the information with you because I knew you would be kind enough to pass it along”. Two different reactions to the same message because the starting thought processes were very different. And you know the interesting part of this, I would never truly know if the text was sent with sarcasm, excitement, or indifference and frankly that does not matter. What matters is how I reacted and in the moment, I reacted negatively to the text and developed resentment-this is why we must exercise control over what we allow ourselves to think about.

The act of thinking is not a passive process at all, we can influence our thoughts more than we realize and in my next post ,I will explore how we can do this more. In the meanwhile, stay tuned and try practicing Phil 4: 8 and take control of your thought patterns- be intentional about thinking about your thinking!

Yours Truly

https://anchor.fm/intentionally-me/episodes/Thinking-about-thinking-e1cpp2n
Posted on by intentional4christ

Advent Calendar day 18: Our Secret Thoughts

Yesterday I met with a group of my friends who have been constant in my life for the past few years. During this meeting, one of them shared about the most impactful things he has learned all year. Here is a summary of it:

He spoke about the power of our thoughts and the fact that God responds to our thoughts more than we think. He illustrated using the story of when the devil thought in his heart to be like God and by the many times Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because of what they were thinking in their hearts. In the words of my friend, prayer is not just about what we say aloud to God- our whole life is prayer and so is our thoughts. What have your thoughts been saying to God recently? How would God judge your thoughts? How well do your thoughts represent you before God? as i pondered over what he said a scripture came to mind:

O LORD, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up [my entire life, everything I do]; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And You are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue [still unspoken], Behold, O LORD, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And [You have] placed Your hand upon me. Such [infinite] knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high [above me], I cannot reach it.

Psalm 139:1-6 AMP

God is interested in every detail of our lives including our thoughts. That is an area that we must also surrender to the lordship of Jesus. Many of us think as long as thoughts reside in our minds and hearts and we never speak them then we are entitled to the privacy of those thoughts. However, this scripture tell us no thought is as private as we think it is. God is intimately acquainted with those secret thoughts- good or bad. So today my prayer for you as is for myself is simple: that the peace of God would garrison our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4: 7) and that every single one of our thoughts would be taken captive to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5).

Yours Truly

P.s. Thanks Bari