Posted on by intentional4christ

Silencing the Other Voices

 A few months ago, my counsellor taught me how to use socratic thinking to help improve my thought life.  For those of you not aware of what this is, socratic thinking is a technique used to examine and validate ideas and underlying beliefs through thoughtful questions. It is also a powerful tool to learn critical thinking skills. However, the reason I was undergoing this exercise was because my counsellor has drilled into me over an over again that if I change how I think (of myself, of others, and of the world), my behaviors will also change and then my emotions (anxiety) will follow suit. Let me walk you through one of my thought processes that I have run through socratic thinking so you see how it works: “I am a bad mother”.

First, I ask myself, what is the evidence that I am a bad mother? Then I walk through the evidence that I am not a bad mother. After I have compiled my list, I then weigh it to see what the evidence says. If all evidence points to the fact that I am a bad mother, then the next question is do I want to do something about that? And if so, what? And how do I change? However, if the evidence shows that I am not in fact a bad mother, then I move on from that thought and every time I think I am a bad mother I remind myself that the evidence says contrary and then move on.

While this is great practice and it is helping me greatly understand how to deal with some of the peripheral things that make me anxious, I found very quickly that this method does not help to fix those deep-seated anxieties rooted in my psyche- things that are tied to my self-identity and self-esteem. One’s sense of identity has to do with who you think you are and how you perceive and define yourself. Self-esteem is how you value yourself, your self-worth.

Self-identity involves looking inwards to discover who you are—both your strengths and weaknesses—and defining and accepting yourself for who you are. This forms part of our self-talk i.e. what we say about ourselves. We also develop a sense of self from what we hear others say about us. When we internalize what people say of us and repeat those things to ourselves, they shape the way we think about ourselves and consequently shape our identity. It is out of this introspection that we either develop a healthy or low self-esteem.

 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.

Proverbs 23:7a KJV

Reading that whole verse in context reveals that the thoughts and inclinations of the heart shape the reality of who you are. What you think about shapes your actions and forms the basis of who you are, or are becoming. So why doesn’t socratic thinking help with anxieties rooted in our self-identity? Jesus tells us why in this profound scripture:

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

Matthew 6:22-23 BSB

The reality is that our worldview and what we think of ourselves and others, as well as what others think of us, have been shaped by sin and brokenness. Even when the evidence shows that we are good people, the light within us is darkness! We view ourselves and others through a lens of brokenness and we measure the health of one’s self-esteem by how broken a person is. Our yardstick for someone with a healthy self-esteem is a person who accepts themselves for who they are- faults and all; is confident in themselves; and has a strong sense of self. But if our yardstick is tainted by sin and brokenness, then our measure is tainted by default. We were born a broken people into a broken world and so looking within for a sense of self that is “whole” just does not work. As Jesus says, “If the eyes are bad, then the whole body is in darkness.” This all sounds grim and if you have made it this far into the reading, you may be asking, “Is there hope?” How can we be filled with light on the inside instead of darkness and brokenness?

The answer my friends is that there is HOPE, and this hope is found in an identity outside of ourselves. When our identity is firmly planted in Christ and in His work on the cross to make us whole, we become secure in who we are because of what Christ has done for us.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT

This is what God says of you and the new identity you have in Him:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 peter 2:9 NIV

You are chosen, you are royalty, you are a priest, you are holy, you are special, and also, your “bad” eyes have been made “good” so you are no longer in darkness but in light (Read Isaiah 9:2)! Oh and that is not all; I can add some more: Through Jesus you are righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21); You are forgiven (Jeremiah 31:34); You are loved (Jeremiah 31:3, Romans 8:5); You are enough (Titus 3:4-7). I can go on and on.

Now try using the process of socratic thinking for any of the thoughts that are rooted in an identity that comes from brokenness- “I am unlovable”; “I am not good enough”; ” I am not worthy” and my challenge to you is to first list all the evidence of why you think you are unloved or not good enough or unworthy or whatever that thought might be. Then stack up your evidence against what God says about you. You will realize very quickly, your evidence does not hold a candle to God’s illumination of who you are. As Jesus said, “If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.”

Today, many of us need a prescription change. We need to change our lenses and come to a place of acceptance of the free gift of God-our salvation- which gives us a new identity. We need to see ourselves as God sees us! The eye is the lamp of the body- if you see yourself as God, who is the Light of the World, sees you, your body will be full of light indeed! That friends is one of the surest ways to silence the voices rooted so deep in our psyche. So to work on my self esteem issues I do not need to reach down into the recesses of my childhood memories and traumas- I know them all and I lived them all. The answers are not in reliving them or relieving myself of them. The answer to my profound anxieties is in believing who God says I am and as I think these things in my heart about myself, my behaviors will mimic my thoughts, and my actions and emotions will also be aligned to my identity as one who has been loved with an everlasting love- the daughter of the Most High King!

Yours Truly.

Posted on by intentional4christ · 1 Comment

Identity- Our Sense of Self

My drive in life comes from a fear of being mediocre. That is always pushing me. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being but then I feel I am still mediocre and uninteresting unless i do something else. Because even though I have become somebody, I still have to prove that I am somebody. My struggle has never ended and I guess it will never end.

Madonna

I recently came across this quote from Madonna and how truly apt it is for many of us. Even without all the fame and acclaim like Madonna has, our sense of self, self-worth and desire to be “somebody” are insatiable. Towards the end of last year, I faced a lot of turmoil and upheaval at my place of work which led me to an identity crisis. Everything that I had come to believe about who I was and my motivations in life no longer made any sense. As I have searched for answers in scripture, reassuring words of loved ones, counselling, among others, one question has stood out for me: what have I based my identity on?

We go through life looking for the ultimate verdict that we are important and valuable and we look for that ultimate verdict in situations and people around us. Our identities become rooted in our accomplishments or in our failures. There is an invisible standard set for us either by ourselves or by others and we strive to live up to these standards each day. Our self-esteem is driven by whether or not we are able to meet the standards. So we fluctuate between high and low self-esteem because every minute our lives are on trial- some days we feel we are winning and other days we feel we are losing the trial. We judge ourselves and we allow the judgment of others to condemn or acquit us each day. But the truth is that trying to find self-esteem and build an identity by living up to a set of standards is a trap. I recently read a book by Timothy Keller, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness- The Path to Christian Joy, that shed light on a way to be free from the entrapment of this skewed view of self-identity. Using the example of Paul from 1st Corinthians 3:21- 4:7, Keller states:

When [Paul] says he will not let the Corinthians judge him nor will he judge himself, he is saying that he knows about his sins but does not connect them to himself and his identity. His sins and his identity are not connected. He refused to play that game. He does not see a sin and let it destroy his sense of identity. He will not make a connection. Neither does he see an accomplishment and congratulate himself. He sees all kinds of sin in himself- and all kinds of accomplishments too- but he refuses to connect them with himself or his identity.

All too often, we allow our accomplishments, achievements, shortcomings, or failures to be what defines us. If our accomplishments define us and something threatens that or we receive negative criticisms then we feel undone. If someone has been defined their whole life by a certain profession and then due to unforeseen circumstances like an illness, they can no longer practice in that field, their whole life falls apart. They ask questions like, “who am I if I am not a ________!” Similarly if someone has been defined by their material possessions and wealth and through a bad investment, an economic downturn, or fraud, they lose their wealth, it is game over. Today I offer a reassurance: THE ULTIMATE VERDICT IS IN.

Here is the ultimate verdict- the trial is over. There is no more condemnation for you if you are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). God does not care about who you are (accomplished or not) or what you have done (good or bad). Your performance does not lead to a verdict. The moment you chose to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, His righteousness was imputed to you. You do not have to perform to gain your identity. You have an identity as a child of the King of Kings and based on this identity, what you do will flow out of who you are. As my pastor shared in his sermon last week, Jesus loves you and accepts you for one reason and one reason only: You are His! Just as God once said of Jesus, He says of you: You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased. You do not have to impress yourself or anyone for that matter. You are already achieved! You are a son or daughter of the Most High King. You are loved beyond measure! You can go about your life doing the things you do, not to build up a resume or to look good. You are a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, a street vendor, a cashier, carpenter, plumber, [insert what you do] not to feel better about yourself or to feel accomplished or to feel like “somebody”. You can strive for a better paid job or for higher education not because you derive your identity from that. You can let go of the anxieties, the disappointments of life, and the guilt because you do not find your identity in your accomplishments or failures. This is the blessedness of being redeemed.

Has the LORD redeemed you? Then speak out! Let the redeemed of the LORD say so.

Psalm 107: 2 NLT/ BSB

Yours Truly

Resources: https://www.backtothebible.ca/product/the-freedom-of-self-forgetfulness/