For a long time in my life I have not felt joy. Desperate to feel joyful, I asked my counsellor, “How can I have more joy in my life?” For the next twelve months, we went through a series of exercises that would help me to be joyful. And after a year do I feel joyful? Well, the therapeutic exercises were eye-opening and helpful. I am certainly less stressed and less depressed. But joyful, I am not quite there yet. This is not because my therapist failed me or counselling did not work. Truth is, joy cannot be found through human undertakings.

One day last week, I heard God whisper to my heart that I am not joyful for three reasons: shame, guilt, and fear. God reminded me that because I have held on tightly to the shame and guilt of my past wrongs I am unable to enjoy His manifold blessings in my life. I feel undeserving of every good thing in my life because at some point in my life I decided that “if only people knew me, the real me, and the things I have done, they would not think so highly of me.” I have no joy because I live in bondage to shame, guilt, and fear.

Fortunately, God did not just drop this bombshell on me and leave me to wrestle with it alone. As God always does, He has also filled me with His encouragement on how to overcome guilt and shame so I can live a life full of joy. For the past few days, every scripture I have read has been a weapon to counteract the voices that scream “guilty,” “undeserving,” and “unworthy.” I will share one with you. Let this scripture wash over you:

Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases… The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone—as though we had never been here. But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children’s children of those who are faithful to his covenant, of those who obey his commandments!

Psalm 103: 3, 8-18 NLT

God’s voice of truth reminds me that I am forgiven by a loving father who understands that I am only human. God does not accuse me, and neither is He angry or disappointed. My sins and missteps and associated guilt are removed as far as the east is from the west. In place of guilt and shame, God offers His love and salvation.

When we accept His free gift of salvation, God deposits His Spirit in us (2 Corinthians 1:22). The Holy Spirit fills us with His fruit which is joy, love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22 – 23). This gift of joy is also known as the joy of salvation: the Holy Spirit is the conduit and joy is the fruit. Let me contextualize this with another scripture. When David was convicted of his sin after he had slept with Bathsheba, Uriah’s wife, and killed him to cover up the ensuring pregnancy, he prayed (Psalm 51: 10-12 NLT):

Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.
Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.

The joy I speak of is not just the feeling of intense happiness; neither does it propose a state free of suffering and sorrow. It is that quiet confidence that I have knowing that regardless of whatever is going on around me I have found something of value: God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:26). This is the joy of salvation. Jesus described this joy with many parables, one of my favourites being the parable of the treasure: “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field…” Matthew 13: 44 NIV

Recognizing that in our salvation we have gained everything and then some (eternal life in glory) ought to fill us with great joy. But shame and guilt rob us of the privilege of experiencing this. Instead of appreciating the gift of salvation and all it brings, we shy away, and like our first parents Adam and Eve, we hide from God. Even though I know cerebrally that God loves me something fierce and unconditionally, shame tells me I am unworthy of this love that He so freely gives. What a sad way to live! However, this is not our reality at all. Our reality is more like this:

Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. The Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?” Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. The angel said to those who were standing before him, “Take off his filthy clothes.” Then he said to Joshua, “See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put fine garments on you.”

Zechariah 3:1- 4 NIV

Jesus takes away our filthy rags and exchanges them for His righteousness. Shame and guilt do not stand a chance when we stand in God’s love. With his nail-pierced hands, He points to the accuser and rebukes him for your sake. “Forgiven” ,“Redeemed” and “Loved” that is who you are. Now scroll back up and read Psalm 103: 3, 8-18. This ought to fill you with joy, the joy of salvation.

So what am I going to do with truth? I am going to spend sometime chatting with God about every thing from my past that brings me shame and guilt. I am going to speak God’s forgiveness over all of those situations and give myself permission to be forgiven. I am going to visualize God removing those sins as far away from me as the east is from the west and hold on to that visualization. This is so I can recall this image the next time shame or guilt comes calling. I am going to meditate on Psalm 103 until it sinks in. Finally, I am going to revel in the fact that God is my portion forever come what may! What a blessed assurance!

I may have to do every time guilt and shame rear their ugly heads. But soon it will get easier, and the process will be less onerous and less frequent as I lean in to the Holy Spirit and allow my heart to be overwhelmed by the joy of my salvation. I pray this for you too.

Yours truly.

p.s. I will deal with the topic of fear in another post. Stay tuned.