My drive in life comes from a fear of being mediocre. That is always pushing me. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being but then I feel I am still mediocre and uninteresting unless i do something else. Because even though I have become somebody, I still have to prove that I am somebody. My struggle has never ended and I guess it will never end.

Madonna

I recently came across this quote from Madonna and how truly apt it is for many of us. Even without all the fame and acclaim like Madonna has, our sense of self, self-worth and desire to be “somebody” are insatiable. Towards the end of last year, I faced a lot of turmoil and upheaval at my place of work which led me to an identity crisis. Everything that I had come to believe about who I was and my motivations in life no longer made any sense. As I have searched for answers in scripture, reassuring words of loved ones, counselling, among others, one question has stood out for me: what have I based my identity on?

We go through life looking for the ultimate verdict that we are important and valuable and we look for that ultimate verdict in situations and people around us. Our identities become rooted in our accomplishments or in our failures. There is an invisible standard set for us either by ourselves or by others and we strive to live up to these standards each day. Our self-esteem is driven by whether or not we are able to meet the standards. So we fluctuate between high and low self-esteem because every minute our lives are on trial- some days we feel we are winning and other days we feel we are losing the trial. We judge ourselves and we allow the judgment of others to condemn or acquit us each day. But the truth is that trying to find self-esteem and build an identity by living up to a set of standards is a trap. I recently read a book by Timothy Keller, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness- The Path to Christian Joy, that shed light on a way to be free from the entrapment of this skewed view of self-identity. Using the example of Paul from 1st Corinthians 3:21- 4:7, Keller states:

When [Paul] says he will not let the Corinthians judge him nor will he judge himself, he is saying that he knows about his sins but does not connect them to himself and his identity. His sins and his identity are not connected. He refused to play that game. He does not see a sin and let it destroy his sense of identity. He will not make a connection. Neither does he see an accomplishment and congratulate himself. He sees all kinds of sin in himself- and all kinds of accomplishments too- but he refuses to connect them with himself or his identity.

All too often, we allow our accomplishments, achievements, shortcomings, or failures to be what defines us. If our accomplishments define us and something threatens that or we receive negative criticisms then we feel undone. If someone has been defined their whole life by a certain profession and then due to unforeseen circumstances like an illness, they can no longer practice in that field, their whole life falls apart. They ask questions like, “who am I if I am not a ________!” Similarly if someone has been defined by their material possessions and wealth and through a bad investment, an economic downturn, or fraud, they lose their wealth, it is game over. Today I offer a reassurance: THE ULTIMATE VERDICT IS IN.

Here is the ultimate verdict- the trial is over. There is no more condemnation for you if you are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). God does not care about who you are (accomplished or not) or what you have done (good or bad). Your performance does not lead to a verdict. The moment you chose to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, His righteousness was imputed to you. You do not have to perform to gain your identity. You have an identity as a child of the King of Kings and based on this identity, what you do will flow out of who you are. As my pastor shared in his sermon last week, Jesus loves you and accepts you for one reason and one reason only: You are His! Just as God once said of Jesus, He says of you: You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased. You do not have to impress yourself or anyone for that matter. You are already achieved! You are a son or daughter of the Most High King. You are loved beyond measure! You can go about your life doing the things you do, not to build up a resume or to look good. You are a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, a street vendor, a cashier, carpenter, plumber, [insert what you do] not to feel better about yourself or to feel accomplished or to feel like “somebody”. You can strive for a better paid job or for higher education not because you derive your identity from that. You can let go of the anxieties, the disappointments of life, and the guilt because you do not find your identity in your accomplishments or failures. This is the blessedness of being redeemed.

Has the LORD redeemed you? Then speak out! Let the redeemed of the LORD say so.

Psalm 107: 2 NLT/ BSB

Yours Truly

Resources: https://www.backtothebible.ca/product/the-freedom-of-self-forgetfulness/